Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
