I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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