the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
