is your mom at the bar?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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