His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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