At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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