why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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