So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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