Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize