atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
