i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
