they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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