Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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