You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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