I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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