And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
