You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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