Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
