I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
