Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
