I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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