Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
