He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
