thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
