She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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