I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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