At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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