so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
