if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
