I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize