I just cut my nipple shaving
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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