I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
