so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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