I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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