She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
