I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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