What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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