no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
