I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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