if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
