do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
