it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
