You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
