Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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