Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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