Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
