If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
