The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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