i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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