my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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