Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
