I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
