You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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