i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
