I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
