it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
