I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
