apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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