today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im part way to drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
