i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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