he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
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