my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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