I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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