Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
