youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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