summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
