my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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