Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
