I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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