My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
