I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
